The biggest understatement I can think of most days is the idea that I miss going to school so much. I hate hearing people complain about school. You are fortunate enough that you are able to afford the opportunity to do something others are dreaming of so shut the fuck up and be grateful.
One of the hardest decisions I ever had was to leave the home and family I grew up in. Some might say that it had no correlation to school but they would be very wrong. I was not mentally stable enough during that time to continue going to school. I do not regret that decision. I was the right one for me, but that does not mean it doesn't hurt. That doesn't mean that I miss learning and being challenged everyday with all my heart.
I love learning and creating. I love having my beliefs and views challenged. I miss seeing my friends everyday. I did the best I had ever done is school when I was in college. School in America is so expensive and it is currently not an option for me. I wish it was. I truly do.
I cannot wait for the day that I am able to go back and get a degree. I cannot wait to be the one person in my family to do it and actually make something of myself. Not to say that I will not make something of myself before I go back to school but out of anyone in my family, it will be me. I am the strongest. I am the toughest. I have the most will power. I have the most drive. I have the most love for myself.
Tuesday, December 18, 2012
Thursday, December 13, 2012
Nerds Like Us.
Nerd girls we have problems too
We're just like you
except we're not.
So Ali and I were having a conversation yesterday about growing up nerds. I middle school and high school I was very much not myself. My truly good friends were more aware of my nerdy qualities but not to the extent that they were at the time. When I was finally out of the death trap that is public schooling I felt free to be myself completely and without ridicule.
I grew up a nerd. The SyFy channel was always on. I wanted my science fair project in 2nd grade to be on how fast blood flowed through the brain and if I was faster depending on the gender. (It's the same at 7 seconds) I asked my mom if I could do that and I remember her eyes just kind of bugged out at me. I was a 7 year old kid asking to do this and the thought had never even occurred to her to wonder something like that. She told me she had no idea how we would do it so I could not do it that year. I did get to do it the next year. I think she might even still have the things from it.
I went to a summer camp as both a camper and a counselor for ten years. I have in the past few years realized it was nerd camp. It was for people who were interested in medicine and the medical field. I was amazing and so much fun. I learned so much.
But back to what Ali and I were talking about. In the past few years it seems that nerd culture has something of pop culture a bit. I don't know why because most of the time people still poke fun at us. I was walking down the street just this weekend and heard someone call their friend a nerd is a derogatory voice. Had he not be smashed out of his mind and had I not been on the phone I would have said something to him.
Ali and I were talking about how annoying and actually a bit hurtful it is when people "play nerd" or attempt to act like a nerd. It's an attempt and we can see it. We grew up as nerds and dealt with the minimal bullying that came with it. I was getting upset as I tend to do and said, "Exactly. We're hardcore nerds. We're read textbooks for fun, research a topic because we find it interesting and want to know everything there is to know about it nerds. Yeah, nerds are a HUGE part of fan culture and we don't hide this in our day to day lives and people still like us. People even respect us for being so uniquely our own people./But it's not something we consciously do. It's just who we are and what we like. I will never be ashamed of who I am and I won't ever change it for anyone."
But that's it. we're not going to change who we are to make other people happy or more comfortable. Other people do/will. You can't fake eye sight as bad as mine. Nor can you fake the clumsy factor either. I walk into a door or fall upstairs on a daily basis.
Our brains work fast and love when there is someone we don't have to slow down for. That's one of the reasons Ali and I got along so well in the beginning. We can have conversations that if someone attempted to listen in on would make no sense. Not because we were talking about abnormal things or a fandom we are a part of, but because we don't have to have to have transitions to change subjects in a blink of an eye. I mean change subjects like talking about how beautiful someone is to reasons I hate that I write to paintings to the weather. It's fast and there is hardly actual reference to what we have changed the subject to.
Nerd life is so much more that regular life. We live bigger lives because we dream bigger dreams. I do not envy other peoples lives often. When I pass the drunken people on the street on my walk to the bookstore I'm often thankful that I do not value the same things they seem to. Intelligence is far more important than vanity.
We're just like you
except we're not.
So Ali and I were having a conversation yesterday about growing up nerds. I middle school and high school I was very much not myself. My truly good friends were more aware of my nerdy qualities but not to the extent that they were at the time. When I was finally out of the death trap that is public schooling I felt free to be myself completely and without ridicule.
I grew up a nerd. The SyFy channel was always on. I wanted my science fair project in 2nd grade to be on how fast blood flowed through the brain and if I was faster depending on the gender. (It's the same at 7 seconds) I asked my mom if I could do that and I remember her eyes just kind of bugged out at me. I was a 7 year old kid asking to do this and the thought had never even occurred to her to wonder something like that. She told me she had no idea how we would do it so I could not do it that year. I did get to do it the next year. I think she might even still have the things from it.
I went to a summer camp as both a camper and a counselor for ten years. I have in the past few years realized it was nerd camp. It was for people who were interested in medicine and the medical field. I was amazing and so much fun. I learned so much.
But back to what Ali and I were talking about. In the past few years it seems that nerd culture has something of pop culture a bit. I don't know why because most of the time people still poke fun at us. I was walking down the street just this weekend and heard someone call their friend a nerd is a derogatory voice. Had he not be smashed out of his mind and had I not been on the phone I would have said something to him.
Ali and I were talking about how annoying and actually a bit hurtful it is when people "play nerd" or attempt to act like a nerd. It's an attempt and we can see it. We grew up as nerds and dealt with the minimal bullying that came with it. I was getting upset as I tend to do and said, "Exactly. We're hardcore nerds. We're read textbooks for fun, research a topic because we find it interesting and want to know everything there is to know about it nerds. Yeah, nerds are a HUGE part of fan culture and we don't hide this in our day to day lives and people still like us. People even respect us for being so uniquely our own people./But it's not something we consciously do. It's just who we are and what we like. I will never be ashamed of who I am and I won't ever change it for anyone."
But that's it. we're not going to change who we are to make other people happy or more comfortable. Other people do/will. You can't fake eye sight as bad as mine. Nor can you fake the clumsy factor either. I walk into a door or fall upstairs on a daily basis.
Our brains work fast and love when there is someone we don't have to slow down for. That's one of the reasons Ali and I got along so well in the beginning. We can have conversations that if someone attempted to listen in on would make no sense. Not because we were talking about abnormal things or a fandom we are a part of, but because we don't have to have to have transitions to change subjects in a blink of an eye. I mean change subjects like talking about how beautiful someone is to reasons I hate that I write to paintings to the weather. It's fast and there is hardly actual reference to what we have changed the subject to.
Nerd life is so much more that regular life. We live bigger lives because we dream bigger dreams. I do not envy other peoples lives often. When I pass the drunken people on the street on my walk to the bookstore I'm often thankful that I do not value the same things they seem to. Intelligence is far more important than vanity.
Monday, December 3, 2012
Random Weekend Ramblings
I basically just spent my weekend much the same way I spent my summer. I was with my roommate and two of his best friends. These, plus Ali, are the people I spent most of my summer with goofing off and playing games. I had forgotten how easy going it had all been and how easy it was for us to pass the time. We blasted Thrift Shop by Macklemore and Colt 45 by I don't know who and sang along rather loudly. We really wanted to play and improv game of Pathfinder (d&d) but we knew that really wouldn't work out too well.
We did end up playing a few games, one being Monopoly which I never played growing up but I felt like River Song in that I spent most of my time in jail and only ventured outside a few times before I went broke. Before I was take for everything I had however, I had had a monopoly of three different areas two being the more expensive areas. My down fall was when my fellow game players decided having three houses on every square of one of the corners of the board was a good idea. That shit gets expensive fast.
We watched old Christmas movies and realized how weird and slightly creepy they actually are. We went book shopping and geeky shopping at some of my favorite stores. I, of course, could not make it out of the book store without two books (Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy and Sense and Sensibility) and a postcard with Einstein's face on it.
I was also banished from playing Dread Pirate because I win every time. I don't see how this is fair. I should not be punished for being an awesome pirate. Some of us have skill some don't. No need to get jealous :P
All in all, I was reminded of the beautiful people that I have been gifted with in my life and to cherish the times we have together. I will always take every possible opportunity to share experiences and happiness with those whom I enjoy.
"Medicine, law, business, and engineering: these are all noble pursuits and necessary to sustain life. But poetry, beauty, romance, love...these are what we stay alive for."- Dead Poets Society
I just really love this quote. I also really love The Dead Poets Society.
We did end up playing a few games, one being Monopoly which I never played growing up but I felt like River Song in that I spent most of my time in jail and only ventured outside a few times before I went broke. Before I was take for everything I had however, I had had a monopoly of three different areas two being the more expensive areas. My down fall was when my fellow game players decided having three houses on every square of one of the corners of the board was a good idea. That shit gets expensive fast.
We watched old Christmas movies and realized how weird and slightly creepy they actually are. We went book shopping and geeky shopping at some of my favorite stores. I, of course, could not make it out of the book store without two books (Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy and Sense and Sensibility) and a postcard with Einstein's face on it.
I was also banished from playing Dread Pirate because I win every time. I don't see how this is fair. I should not be punished for being an awesome pirate. Some of us have skill some don't. No need to get jealous :P
All in all, I was reminded of the beautiful people that I have been gifted with in my life and to cherish the times we have together. I will always take every possible opportunity to share experiences and happiness with those whom I enjoy.
"Medicine, law, business, and engineering: these are all noble pursuits and necessary to sustain life. But poetry, beauty, romance, love...these are what we stay alive for."- Dead Poets Society
I just really love this quote. I also really love The Dead Poets Society.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)