I'm going to need you to take a step back....

I don't like people who like February. I mean I get it if your birthday is in February, but then it should just be that day that you like. For a long time now February has just been a shitty month. (I do mean many years, not just the twenty-two days that have pasted)

Overall I'm a pretty optimistic person. I am not perfect by any means, but I try often to see the positive side of things. I don't pretend that negative things aren't there, but I try not to dwell on them; who does that really help. I slip up just like everyone else. This past Sunday I had one of the worst days I've had since around the time I ran.

I tried explaining how I felt to one of my friends and he just couldn't understand. How do you explain to someone that you feel like you will never amount to anything, no one will ever be proud of you, you're father seems to hate you, and along with all those things you have no friends near by  and get incredibly scared and stressed out anytime you head towards what you once called home? You can't. Not to someone who hasn't really felt that before.

I got some sleep...eventually. I had to work the next day and it was a surprise short day. Thank god it was. I was not feeling up to sitting by myself for 8 hours and not being able to sleep. I had a bad Monday too; though not as bad as Sunday had been. Tuesday was just bad. The internet got shut off because one of my flatmates didn't pay the bill and then the heat broke and it was < 10 degrees outside. I also worked that night.

While I was working I was talking to the same friend I was trying to explain things to and I then tried explaining why I hated going "home" (back to the burbs). He proceeded to tell me, "I'm gonna need you to take a step back and lightly slap yourself in the face for me."

I didn't but I thought about what that would do. I felt lighter after I "mentally" slapped myself in the face. I remember that I couldn't change the things that made up so upset. I've been in a much better mood since.

I still hate February. Nothing good really comes of it. But from time to time I need to remember to take a step back and slap myself in the face. It seems to help.