I always find it sad, but I have an extreme distaste for a large portion of my generation. We are so selfish and self centered, and when there are the few like myself who know what it is to live in the true reality of our world we are misunderstood and mistreated. It hurts and makes us seem cold. We come across as rude or bitchy because we have already learned the value of honesty and what it means to really lose things we once held dear.
I breaks my heart that in order to actually see my friends, these people that I do cherish and love, there much be a promise of alcohol or "getting shitty". That isn't my style. I have never felt the need the way they have. I would so rather goof off or relax and have real conversations with them. There is just a difference between my friends when they are sober and my friends when they are intoxicated. Honestly, I'm not a big fan of them intoxicated. Every now and then fine, cool, but for the year of 2013 I have seem my friends much more often intoxicated than not. I love them and I do not want to lose them, but I cannot keep having the same relationship with them.
Last night was one of my close friends birthday parties that was held at my apartment. It was cool at first, and then as more people began to arrive it got progressively worse for me to try and control. By midnight it was starting to really stress me out. So when I got a call bringing very bad news I was done. Completely 100% done. I had to walk from one end of my apartment to the other through the mass of all my friends with tears streaming down my face. Two of them noticed and came to see what was so wrong. Just two. One other gave me an amazing hug and I know him possibly the least out of anyone. He didn't even know what was wrong but he gave me a hug, the kind of hug the reminds you there is indeed still some good in this world.
I calmed down and rejoined the party. Not one single person said a thing to me, besides the two who had been helping me.
Why would/have done so much more for them when they are too focused on what is immediately most beneficial for them? How can they be so very selfish? How can they be so happy and content with their empty life style?
